Sunday, February 05, 2017

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Long Bus Rides


Back in those days when I had so much free time, I would take long bus rides. From end to end. Turn on my ipod and listen to music and be lost in my own thoughts. Or sleep. Or read. Long Bus rides was and has always been so relaxing. Of course, because I wasn't rushing.

I'm lucky that my boys seems to have gotten that from me. Today, we accidentally took 43 the opposite way and reached the end of the trip. 1.5 hours away from home. The road looked toooo peaceful. It was just what I needed to clear off my mind.

My mind who has been so busy weighing the is he or is he not signs.

Is He.   
I clearly saw F3x-- in his msg. Sending out picture of where we were as if reporting which is very much out of character. It happened the only 2 times he went out with us.
Always fidgeting with his phone. This is so out of character.
Going all the way to Plaza Sing to eat lunch. Or malls for that matter.
Always busy at his room. Laughing out loud alone.
Anger to my existence. Ok. He has always been angry with my existence.
Anger when asked. All sparks fly saying defense mechanism on the move!

Is He Not.
He wouldn't dare. He just wouldn't.

So what if he does? The relationship was broken 3 years ago. Actually, to meit would be fine. I have come near acceptance. If really he found someone else, he just have to have the courage to tell me. If he tells me honestly.. well... yeah I'll be angry. But I won't stop him. In fact, it would free us both of this misery. I got 2 boys no. It's enough.  

If he isn't then maybe it's time to tell
Me where we are headed. 3 years is a long time.. we can't stay like this forever. It's not fair to me. J can't be taking this responsibility with someone who cleary does not want to be here yet stays because of convenience. 

Jf he still wants the relationship? Perhaps tell me? Or show me? Talk to me about anything. Just say something more than 10 words a day would probably be a Good start.
N


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