Sunday, October 01, 2017

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Sharing

The problem with shared visitation is that it disrupts the kids' routines. And ours.


#1 The dad never took them out before. He never showed interest. Come on! Move on from saying dahil kasama ka. LOL!  Before you decided you hate me like a leper you were already in your own world. (Not that I deserve that hate. You cheated. You should be hated not the other way around! Keep that in mind! Repeat after me. You are not the victim!) Do not pretend now that you are an amazing father. It's not judging him or whatever. It's just stating fact and accepting that fact that he is an introvert and he prefers home. It's fine. So now that he has a Saturday with the boys, it disrupts his zen Saturday. Bad news for him, Soon it will become tiresome for him to bring them out because that is not his personality.

#2 I always bring them out. And I'm always with them.  Bad news for me, I feel alone. For the last 4 years I was never alone. Now suddenly I will find myself with sooo much free time. What the heck will I do with my Saturday? I will miss my boys to death. Taking them out was never a chore for me. It was fun thing to do.

What will solve all this?

I think when the anger is gone. When acceptance is full and sincere. When suspicions are no longer there.

Parenting is not a competition.

Because for him, he thinks this is competition. For him, he is still out to prove something. Once the dust has settled and he realise that he doesn't have to because I'm not competing.  That I'm just doing what I love and what I have been doing all along.

For me, forgiving him is easy. In fact, somehow I have moved on. On many days I have the urge to forward a picture or an sms to give a short funny antics of the boys. But I stop myself. It will just be misunderstood and taken as a scheme. Well. Anyway, I always remind myself that it's not my fault that he's missing a lot. And in fact, maybe he isn't missing anything because his priorities and beliefs are different from mine. So what are precious and important to me might not be for him.  I'm also met with a lot of anger. When I should be the one throwing anger.  He thinks I'm taking his money. What money? The money went to the kids where they rightfully belong. On repeat. You are no the victim. I am. So stop it. Direct your anger elsewhere. To yourself even. But not to me.

But sharing my boys with the other girl is a different story. I can co-parent with the dad. No issue. But with the other woman. I am not a saint. Lolz. I have no feelings towards her but disgust. And more. Who leaves her 2 minor kids at home alone to go meet her lover? Is that the future step mom that I'm supposed to share my precious boys with? If she can't take care of her own blood, how can I expect her to take care of mine?

Once all is back to normal, he will go back to his zen Saturdays. And leave us alone. Not because he is a bad person. But because it's just what is the accepted norm.  We accept him for being homebody. It's totally fine. Because hey, this does not need to make it hard for everyone.

Hopefully.

The best security blanket a child can have is parents who respect each other.

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