Who gets to be the bad person?

August 27, 2017
Since the kids are with me, my job is not just to play with them. My job is to make sure they turn up to be responsible citizens and good human beings. That is the unfortunate part. It is my job to be the villain.

The dad only comes to visit and it will be all play. If I decide to compete then I'm ruining my kid's lives. And I'm not willing to do that.  In this regard, I'm accepting defeat again. I'd rather be a villain than have bad children.

My Paopao is so young. Yet he breaks my heart into a million pieces.

While asking him to wait for his dad to return instead of going with him to buy batteries:
๐Ÿ‘ถ: I want my Daddy! I don't want you.
๐Ÿ‘ฉ: ๐Ÿ’”

Tonight, he was kicking his brother which caused Mamon to fight back and kick too. I naturally had to scold him.
๐Ÿ‘ถ: Daddy help me! Daddy help me!
๐Ÿ‘ฉ:  ๐Ÿ’”

He usually throws up after crying a lot. So after he threw up he calmed down. I tried to talk to him. 
๐Ÿ‘ฉ: Liam I want to talk to you.
๐Ÿ‘ถ: You hurt me mommy! I will call the policeman to catch you and put you in jail.
๐Ÿ‘ฉ: ๐Ÿ˜ญ
๐Ÿ‘ถ: rain is coming in your cheeks mommy
๐Ÿ‘ฉ: because you hurt me
๐Ÿ‘ถ: ate may, get the tissue for mommy. *the he searched for tissue*
๐Ÿ‘ฉ: ๐Ÿ˜ญ
๐Ÿ‘ถ: *keeps wiping my tears* It's okay Mommy
๐Ÿ‘ฉ: say sorry to mommy
๐Ÿ‘ถ: you say sorry to me
๐Ÿ‘ฉ: I'm sorry Liam
๐Ÿ‘ถ: It's okay mommy
๐Ÿ‘ถ: I'm sorry Mommy
๐Ÿ‘ฉ: It's okay Liam. I love you forever.

I feel so sad. I feel so broken. At times like this I feel anger too. Anger for people who ruin people's families. Disciplining kids is hard enough when the family is together, it makes it even worse with divorce when the parents may feel the need to compete. I'm also angry with myself because I'm still choosing the right path even though I need my kid's to be on my side. I still chose to be villain rather than have brats.

It's so sad that you have to be the bad person just to be the good person. You have to be the bad person in order to raise a good person. We are the collateral damage of lust.

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