Single Parent

June 10, 2018

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Multiple it twice because mine got autism. Add another village for another child. Basically, I need a whole country Unfortunately, it is a luxury.

The honest truth about it is that I'm alone. Let me begin by saying it's not about complaining. It's just stating a fact.

Family is there to support you. But remember that they have their own families to take care of. They have their own lives to live. Same with friends. Their hearts to help and reach out will be there. But really not fair to be a burden to anybody.

As if raising the two is not challenge enough, add a very angry and selfish, self centered ex husband to deal with. Most of the times I force myself to take him out of the equation.  (Example there's an invite for a Saturday event, then I stop and say I can't commit because what if on Friday he would say he wants to visit Pao? My friend said, F it! Commit and tell him the house is not free. He can't have the luxury of coming when he wants.). It's not easy. My natural personality is to let people get what is morally right. And it is his right and the boys right to experience each other. 

Even if it pains me that he is enjoying this while having the time of his life enjoying with his slut. That equation is really hard. And I have to take credit for enduring it all these time when all I could of is that they deserve horrible things. I still think a lightning should strike them and they just drop to the floor and realize that there is a God ready to punish them.

Even if in fact I think my friend is right. Until now I'm bound by that invisible chain that he had on me for a decade. Damn. (I'm working very hard on freeing myself). 

Based on my experience, in order to survive being a single parent:

#1 Be prepared to be alone. Sure people are willing to help. But never rely on anybody. Do not allow yourself to depend on anybody. You can get help but be prepared to do it alone. Do not every allow yourself to forget how to do it alone.

#2 Be prepared to be the villain. For my case, my youngest have done and said horrible things to be. If his dad broke my heart in pieces, the boy made sure it's shattered and never to be patched together again. But I love Pao. He can hate me all he want. But if it's gonna make him a better person when he grows up I will be the villain. I will be his Romeo (#PJMask).

#3 Master Time Management. Work fast. Move fast. As fast as you can. Maintain focus so you don't need to redo. There are zillion of things to do. Prioritise.  Scrap those that will not benefit the boys.

#4 Focus on the goal. The goal is to bring up the boys to be good people. The goal is to keep them happy. The goal is to keep them safe. The goal is to keep the feel loved as much as possible.

#5 Take care of yourself. Remember as single parent, you are alone. A single point of failure. You better make sure you can sustain. Remember as single parent your options are very limited. You can't even think of suicide. That's a luxury. You must keep moving. Therefore be sure you can.

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